Legal Disclaimer

At the beginning of each of my novels, you will find this legal disclaimer.

This book is a work of fiction based in part on the author’s personal experiences and those of his fellow delivery drivers.  The names, characters, places, incidents, dialogue, and plot are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual persons, events, or companies is entirely coincidental.

This legal disclaimer is standard for any work of fiction and is a necessary evil for an author in a society where anyone can and will sue over any little thing with which they disagree.  I also make it clear that while I make many references to real places, past and present, throughout the story, these places are used fictitiously.  To the owners, employees, and customers of these establishments, no offense is ever intended. 

The Creative Writing Process

I would like to take this opportunity to share a few thoughts on the Creative Writing Process.  There is a lot more to writing a book than many readers can ever imagine.  A vivid imagination and a strong command for language are only the beginning of the creative process.  Here is how it all began.

My first foray into the world of creative writing began about three years ago while I was sitting at a small round table at Deja Vu Showgirls in Hammond, Indiana, where I went to celebrate my birthday.  Watching the lovely ladies strut their stuff on stage, I pulled out a sheet of paper and pen and began to write down what became the basic chapter outline for "Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience".   It was here that I got my first lessons in character development and setting the mood from the lovely ladies who I had met that night.  A few of these beautiful entertainers are aspiring writers themselves.  They taught me how to make the characters in my story multidimensional. 

I wrote some interesting details into each of my characters.  For example, Ashley Cooper, our leading lady, is a lot more than just a dancer and a model.  She is also approaching her final semester as a graduate student in the Wall College of Business Administration at Coastal Carolina University.  Ashley is a classically-trained soprano who is also quite a rock and roll drummer, playing in a band with four of her fellow dancers.  The fact that she comes from an upper-crust background begs the question, "What is a conservative Southern belle like her doing in a strip club?"  That question is answered an early chapter of the sequel, "Forever Autumn - The Myrtle Beach Experience Continues."  In developing Ashley's character, I began to visulaize the lady I would want in my own life. 

I spent many hours online researching various places in Myrtle Beach and Chicago, among other locales, in order to get as much detail as possible about the various hotels, restaurants, clubs, streets, and tourist attractions to make the story more credible.  I also drew upon my pizza delivery experiences in Myrtle Beach while working at Papa John's and Pizza Shak.  Driving on Ocean Boulevard and taking deliveries in various hotels and other establishments, as well as meeting many types of people, proved to be very helpful in developing the story.  Many readers will wonder if the "sex on the beach" is merely a fantasy.  Let me state for the record that "sex on the beach" is not a mere fantasy...it is a fond memory of an actual fling I had during the Summer of 2004.  I went back home to prepare for, and complete, graduate school.  That blonde beauty was all I could think about while I was in school.  Regrettably, I never saw her again.  Was I really in love with that girl...or was I just tripped out on some industrial-strength LSD?  Anyone who knows me at all would know the answer to that question.

Ironically, I hated writing when I was in school.  That was probably because I was writing what other people, such as professors and employers, told me to write.  Once I started writing "Topless Delivery," that attitude changed radically.  I discovered that I am a much better writer than even I could ever imagine.  On each novel, I start with a basic chapter outline and fill in the details as I write.  Because music is such an important part of the story, I went to great lengths to select the right songs and place the references in the right places in the story.  That involved watching and listening to hours of YouTube videos for many different songs and selecting the right rendition of each song for the online soundtrack for each novel's website.

To make a long story short, when it comes to writing a book, there is more to the picture than meets the eye.  Hey, hey.  My, my.

Fun With Animals

The story also has some humorous moments dealing with animals.  As in my real-life pizza delivery experiences, David has a few friendly encounters with dogs, cats, and other creatures throughout his appointed rounds.  The first such encounter occurs on pages 40-41 of "Topless Delivery".

On the following run of three orders to residential customers things get a little hairy.  The first stop, in a trailer park off Highway 15, involves a friendly encounter with a Black Labrador Retriever.  After I deliver the pizza to this gentleman, I make my way back to my car and meet this dog that got loose.  She comes up to me and gives my hand a sniff.  I stoop down to pet her for a few minutes before she jumps up onto my shoulders and tries to lick me to death.  I’ve always been pretty good with dogs and they usually get along well with me.  Animals can judge human character more accurately than most people can.  After that friendly encounter I continue my delivery run.

Upon my return to the store, A.C. calls me into the office about a complaint he received from that very same customer.

He tells me, “The complaint alleges that you ‘had your hands all over his bitch’”.  I was petting the dog!

I respond to the complaint by saying, “Literally speaking, sir, the gentleman was correct…and his bitch didn’t seem to mind one bit.  In fact, she wouldn’t stop kissing me.  That’s right…I was petting his dog…a Black Lab.  I’m fiercely proud to be an animal lover, but even I know that doggy-style doesn’t mean getting it on with the dog!” 

What can I say?  Dogs like me.

A.C. laughs at my response and says, “Don’t worry about it, son.  He was probably a drunken redneck trying to scam us for some free food.”

I reply, “I kind of figured that.  That jerk stiffed me on that delivery and he had the balls to complain about me petting his dog.  He tried to make a sexual harassment or a sexual assault case out of a simple friendly encounter with his dog.  Wouldn’t it be nice for a hot female customer to invite me to come in and pet her kitty cat once in a while?”  Meow!

There have actually been a few situations where I had to chase down a dog or cat that escaped while I was making the delivery transaction.  One of the fun things about my delivery job is that I get to pet a customer's dog or cat every once in a while.  I remember one winter day when I was walking back to my car after a delivery, only to get gang tackled and nearly licked to death by three aggressively friendly dogs...two Black Labs and a Golden Retriever. 

The lady came running out of the house wearing only a towel and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry."
I replied, "Sorry?  Why?  That was fun!"

On page 138 of "Topless Delivery," shortly after Ashley introduces David to Heather, they go for a nice little swim in the pool at Regency Towers.  Here we have a rather sexy double entendre:

After we finish that round of drinks, we go for a swim in the pool.  We actually focus on swimming a few laps in the 25 m pool.  After about 15 laps or so, they both converge on me at the edge of the pool.

Ashley and Heather hold each other very tightly and they engage in a deadly lip lock right in front of me as Heather reaches her arm out and pulls me into the vortex of passion, asking me in a very devilish voice, “David, have you ever taken part in a three-way make-out session before?”  Wow!  Heather really likes me!

I coil my arm around Ashley and playfully ask her, “If I pet your kitty, would she purr?”

Heather chimes in and seductively replies, rubbing her inner thigh up against my side, “Honey, she most certainly would…and so would mine if you pet her.”  Meow!

Please keep in mind that Ashley and Heather do have a Seal-Point Himalayan cat in their condo...and the cat has really taken a liking to David. 

On pages 292-293 of "Forever Autumn," David and Ashley have yet another friendly encounter at Myrtle Beach International Airport while waiting to catch a flight to Charlotte, where they catch a connecting flight to Chicago.

While we wait for the boarding call, a TSA sniffer dog, a Black Lab, makes his rounds with his handler and sniffs everyone in the waiting area.  The dog comes over to sniff me. He jumps into my lap and gives me kisses.  His handler didn’t know what to think because it’s not a normal response.  If he had smelled something, he would have just sat there and barked.

I say to the TSA agent who approaches me, “Ma’am, I think your dog likes me.”

She replies as she passes her detector wand over me, “Sir, I detect nothing illegal on you.  Ringo is a new sniffer dog in training.  Would you be so kind as to help me in his training?  Take this training tool and put it in your pocket and we’ll see how long it takes for him to find it,” as she hands me a small towel with a faint scent that he’s been trained to detect.

I put the small towel in my right front trousers pocket as the TSA agent sends Ringo on another training run.  He comes up to me again about five minute later and smells the small towel in my pocket and sits in front of me, wagging his tail.

The agent says to Ringo, “Where is it, boy?” as the dog puts his nose on my pocket where the towel is hidden.

I say to the agent, “Excuse me, ma’am, but could this be what he was looking for?” as I pull the towel out of my pocket and hand it to her.

She replies, “Thank you kindly, sir.  He passed the test.  Why don’t you give him some love,” as I pet him for a few minutes.

Ashley smiles and says to the TSA agent, “Excuse me, ma’am, but my fiancé here has always been really good with animals.  Just ask my cat.”

We share a laugh about another friendly encounter with animals when the boarding call is announced.

While David and Ashley are on their honeymoon in Key West, their second trip together to Key West, they pay another visit to the Hemingway House and Museum.  Pages 371-372 of "Forever Autumn" describe the return trip.

We leave the music shop and take a drive over to the Hemingway House and Museum on Whitehead Street.  After a guided tour of the late author’s house, we have another friendly encounter with some of the 60 cats that live on the museum grounds.  Roughly half of these 60 cats are polydactyl, meaning that they have extra toes on each paw.

One of these polydactyl cats, a black male cat with white paws, comes up to me and meows as if to say, “Hi!  Come pet me,” as I kneel down to pet him.

A few minutes later, he puts his paw of seven toes on my hand and gives it kisses as he purrs his little heart out.  It looks like each of us has made at least a few furry friends here.  We must admit it.  We’re just here to visit the kitties…and neither they nor the museum staff seems to mind at all.  All I know right now is that I’ll be petting a very different kind of kitty later on tonight and that she’ll be purring all night long.

Ashley best summarizes David's affinity with animals in this quote from page 306 of "Forever Autumn":

“David, I always knew that you had that animal attraction.  You attract animals.”

E-Books Are Now Available!

Both books are now available in electronic format from Amazon (Kindle), Apple (iBook), Barnes & Noble (Nook), Sony, Kobo, and Diesel.  The purchase price is $9.99 and each e-book features links to its website, YouTube videos of the songs mentioned in the book, and links to the websites of many of the real places mentioned in the book.  Check them out today by clicking on the links below:

"Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience"

"Forever Autumn - The Myrtle Beach Experience Continues"

The Websites Are Ready!

The Official Websites for both novels, http://toplessdelivery.com/ and http://foreverautumn.us/ are ready and on line!  On each website you will find basic descriptions of the book, a few juicy tidbits about me, summary descriptions of many of the characters, an online soundtrack featuring many of the songs mentioned in the story, links to some of the real places featured, and much more.  Most importantly, you'll be able to visit my blog, order a copy of each book, and become a fan on my Facebook page. 

Electronic versions of each book are available for your Kindle reader.  Other formats (iBooks, Nook, et.) will be available soon.  Please check this blog for more details as they become available.

By the way, I made both websites myself.  Please let me know how I'm doing so far.  Thanks.

ToplessDelivery.com

ToplessDelivery.com, the Official Website of "Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience", is now fully operational.  The website contains a basic introduction to the book, summary descriptions of all of the major characters, answers to frequently asked questions, an online soundtrack containing links to YouTube videos of 21 of the songs mentioned in the book, and some basic information about me. 

Please check it out and let me know how you like it.  Thank you for your support.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

In this scene on pages 141-145 of "Forever Autumn", David and Ashley are taking a stroll through the Formal Gardens on her parents' plantation to break away from their Engagement Party.  Here they look back on that fateful night when he delivered her pizza at Regency Towers barely 6 months earlier.

I ask her, “Did you know that I was actually putting my job at risk merely by asking you out that night?”


She responds, “Honey, how could you have placed your job in jeopardy by asking me for a date?”

I reply, “I could have been fired for ‘sexual harassment of a customer’ under Papa’s Pizza’s nasty zero-tolerance policy. Several of my fellow delivery drivers have lost their jobs…and more…for propositioning female customers here in Myrtle Beach. The complaint doesn’t necessarily have to come from the lady herself. It could also come from the husband or steady boyfriend of the alleged ‘victim’. Sexual harassment is an extremely sensitive matter for me. I have always been paranoid about avoiding such situations.”

Ashley wraps her arm around me and asks, “Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment?”

With a deep sigh I reply, “Yes, I have. Several years ago, a gorgeous colleague asked me out on a date. We went out on a nice dinner date at a favorite restaurant. The date itself went very well and we both had a very nice time together. I drove her home, she gave me a nice goodnight kiss, and I drove home. Somehow, word got out in the company about our little so-called ‘tryst’. The next morning, I was called into my boss’ office to answer to a sexual harassment charge…filed by an unnamed third party, probably her estranged husband from whom she was legally separated at the time. I answered all of the allegations truthfully and properly. Nothing of a sexual nature happened between us that night although now I’ve come to wish that something would have happened. I say that only because if we had done something that night, then the crime would have fit the punishment. To tell you the truth, no legally enforceable company sexual harassment policy could possibly have governed what happened that night because the date was by mutual consent and on our own time.

Although everyone in the company knew that I was completely truthful about my responses to the charges against me, certain major clients heard some exaggerated stories about our little date and, out of fear for their image and reputations, threatened to stop doing business with the firm unless I was fired and prosecuted on felony charges. Although the State’s Attorney’s Office found no evidence on which to bring charges against me, these clients were still not satisfied. They wanted me out. At the request of the Board of Directors, I turned in my resignation…with great regret…and moved out of the area. I have had no contact with anyone from the company ever since. Fortunately, no charges were ever brought against me.

The real tragedy is that every red-blooded American male, whether he is single or married, whether he is gay or straight, is increasingly vulnerable to allegations of sexual misconduct, wherever he may happen to be. It is indeed a very sorry state of affairs when we cannot check out the beauties on the beach, in a club, or anywhere else, let alone approach one and ask her for a date, without the very serious threat of being brought up on charges...and not necessarily by the lady herself. Even a platonic friendship or a business relationship with any woman can be very dangerous, as my personal experience has clearly proven to me over the years. There have been a few cases where I had such a basic platonic friendship, and very nearly my life, ended by a jealous husband or boyfriend…even when I was involved with someone else at the time. What's wrong with this picture?

The mere allegation of any sexual misconduct, proven or not, can have devastating, and often irreversible, effects on the lives, careers, relationships, and reputations of innocent men. Unlike those accused of other types of crimes, those accused of any type of sexual misconduct are usually presumed guilty until proven innocent. Worse yet, these men are not always given a fair opportunity to defend themselves against the charges, much less prove their innocence, in a court of law due to the stigma attached to such offenses.

The simple fact that a man is married or in a committed relationship can make him even more vulnerable to false allegations of sexual misconduct than a single man would be due to the threat of blackmail or other types of extortion. Call me paranoid if you will, but this situation can happen to any man, anytime, anywhere. While these allegations can also be made against women, the great majority of those accused are men. There must be an immediate cease-fire in the Battle of the Sexes so that we can learn to respect one another as people. Is that too much to ask?”

Ashley gives me a very tight hug and says, “David, I agree with you…one hundred percent! Every word of what you just said about false accusations of sexual misconduct is so very true. If anyone at B&C were to ever make such allegations and they turn out to be unproven, then that employee would be terminated…no questions asked. Daddy had written that policy a few years ago for the very reasons you just told me here. No one should ever have to go through what you had gone through. Honey, you were violated. It was as if you had been raped. Now I know why you’ve always been so shy around women. It all makes such perfect sense!” She finally figures it all out.

The job from which David was forced to resign was the only non-pizza delivery he had ever held until he was hired at Burgess & Cooper.  This incident is very similar to one that actually happened to me in real life a couple of years ago.  I changed a few details to protect the innocent.  The point I intend to make here is that such allegations can happen to any man.  Due to our limited ability to pick up nonverbal cues, Aspergian men are even more vulnerable than are Neurotypical men.