As I had mentioned in my last post, I have been diagnosed with a neurological condition known as Asperger Syndrome...which is a milder variant of Autism. I wrote this condition into the character of David Lawrence, my narrator, in order to raise awareness about Autism Spectrum Disorders and to offer my readers an insight on the challenges we Aspergians (people with Asperger Syndrome) face in our daily lives. I wrote an entire chapter about the condition in "Topless Delivery", starting on page 242, titled "The Horrible Asp," where David discloses his condition to Ashley while they are staying at his parents' house after evacuating during Hurricane Erika. Unlike my real-life experience, David was diagnosed at the age of 16 and had undergone intensive therapy throughout high school and college in order to function in society. The following in an excerpt from that chapter. In this scene, David and Ashley are sitting on the couch in his outer office at his parents' house near Chicago during one of their quieter moments together.
Ashley leans her golden locks on my shoulder, kisses me, and asks me, "David, what is Asperger Syndrome...and how do you deal with it?"
I reply, "Well, Asperger Syndrome...which I like to call 'The Horrible Asp'...is a neurological disorder characterized by a lack of social understanding, a limited ability to hold a reciprocal conversation, and an intense interest in a particular subject. Mine was architectural drawings. I wanted to major in Architecture at the University of Illinois, but the prerequisite drafting classes weren't available at my high school. I majored in Computer Science instead. I've always found it easier to interface with computers than to interface with other people. Intensive counseling throughout high school and college enabled me to learn social skills and coping strategies so that I could function in society. The symptoms of Asperger Syndrome are most conspicuous when we're under stress. Neurotypical people...those people who haven't been bitten by the Horrible Asp...learn social interaction skills by instinct. We lack those instincts and have to learn them the same way one would learn a foreign language. To put it in terms of a computer, we learn through software emulation what you already have hard-wired into your mind. Asperger Syndrome is literally a difference in how our brains are wired so we think and perceive the world very differently. From a neurological perspective, it is little different than being left-handed...or being gay.
Unlike most autistic people who are socially withdrawn, many Aspergians try very hard to be social when we become aware of the need for social interaction in our lives...and will approach other people, albeit awkwardly. We may engage in long-winded or one-sided conversations with others about our favorite subjects. We are often unaware of the nonverbal cues of disinterest or discomfort that others may give. This apparent disregard for the feelings and sensitivites of others may be mistakenly interpreted as insensitivity, inconsideration, or rudeness on our part. Such misunderstandings often lead to rejection, physical violence, and/or police involvement. We certainly mean no offense to others.
While we may be able to use our cognitive abilities to articulate social norms in a tightly controlled environment, we have a great deal of difficulty acting upon this knowledge in real life. Attempts at social interaction are often very draining because we have to consciously think about what to say and do around other people. I rarely have any difficulty talking to one or two close friends who accept me for who I am, but when I am at a large group gathering, such as a party or at a church, I get overwhelmed quite easily. If you notice that I am not looking directly at you when you talk to me, please be assured that I am paying attention to you. I can usually focus on only one sensory input channel at a time. There is certainly no rudeness or disrespect intended on my part.
If the entire world is a stage and we are merely actors, then would someone please pass me a script? I have no idea what is happening or how I should act here. For an Aspergian, learning the rules of social interaction is very similar to learning a foreign language. We can learn the vocabulary, structure, and syntax of a new language much more easily than we can learn all the subtle nuances, or the pragmatics, of that language.
Aspergians are well known for their strict adherence to rules...even when those rules make no practical sense. Worse yet, we often find that some of our rules are contradictory. In other words, we can't follow one rule without violating another."
Fortunately, Ashley is very supportive of David's disclosure and sets out to learn all she can about the condition and how she can make life a whole lot easier for both of them. Making the disclosure is very similar to a gay man coming out of the closet. It takes a lot of courage, especially not knowing what may happen as a result. In my real-life experience, I had lost a few jobs and relationships as a result of AS. Now that I have been properly diagnosed, I have learned a great deal about who I am and why I think and act as I do. The previous post on this blog was a copy of my "Coming Out Letter", which I had written and posted onto my personal website immediately prior to my formal diagnosis. As the condition is neurological in nature, we cannot medicate it out of us. However, we can use Cognitive Behavior Therapy to develop social skills and coping strategies to manage this condition. Asperger Syndrome is a difference...not a disease.
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