On the following run of three orders to residential customers things get a little hairy. The first stop, in a trailer park off Highway 15, involves a friendly encounter with a Black Labrador Retriever. After I deliver the pizza to this gentleman, I make my way back to my car and meet this dog that got loose. She comes up to me and gives my hand a sniff. I stoop down to pet her for a few minutes before she jumps up onto my shoulders and tries to lick me to death. I’ve always been pretty good with dogs and they usually get along well with me. Animals can judge human character more accurately than most people can. After that friendly encounter I continue my delivery run.
Upon my return to the store, A.C. calls me into the office about a complaint he received from that very same customer.
He tells me, “The complaint alleges that you ‘had your hands all over his bitch’”. I was petting the dog!
I respond to the complaint by saying, “Literally speaking, sir, the gentleman was correct…and his bitch didn’t seem to mind one bit. In fact, she wouldn’t stop kissing me. That’s right…I was petting his dog…a Black Lab. I’m fiercely proud to be an animal lover, but even I know that doggy-style doesn’t mean getting it on with the dog!”
What can I say? Dogs like me.A.C. laughs at my response and says, “Don’t worry about it, son. He was probably a drunken redneck trying to scam us for some free food.”
I reply, “I kind of figured that. That jerk stiffed me on that delivery and he had the balls to complain about me petting his dog. He tried to make a sexual harassment or a sexual assault case out of a simple friendly encounter with his dog. Wouldn’t it be nice for a hot female customer to invite me to come in and pet her kitty cat once in a while?” Meow!There have actually been a few situations where I had to chase down a dog or cat that escaped while I was making the delivery transaction. One of the fun things about my delivery job is that I get to pet a customer's dog or cat every once in a while. I remember one winter day when I was walking back to my car after a delivery, only to get gang tackled and nearly licked to death by three aggressively friendly dogs...two Black Labs and a Golden Retriever.
The lady came running out of the house wearing only a towel and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry."
I replied, "Sorry? Why? That was fun!"
On page 138 of "Topless Delivery," shortly after Ashley introduces David to Heather, they go for a nice little swim in the pool at Regency Towers. Here we have a rather sexy double entendre:
After we finish that round of drinks, we go for a swim in the pool. We actually focus on swimming a few laps in the 25 m pool. After about 15 laps or so, they both converge on me at the edge of the pool.
Ashley and Heather hold each other very tightly and they engage in a deadly lip lock right in front of me as Heather reaches her arm out and pulls me into the vortex of passion, asking me in a very devilish voice, “David, have you ever taken part in a three-way make-out session before?” Wow! Heather really likes me!
I coil my arm around Ashley and playfully ask her, “If I pet your kitty, would she purr?”
Heather chimes in and seductively replies, rubbing her inner thigh up against my side, “Honey, she most certainly would…and so would mine if you pet her.” Meow!Please keep in mind that Ashley and Heather do have a Seal-Point Himalayan cat in their condo...and the cat has really taken a liking to David.
On pages 292-293 of "Forever Autumn," David and Ashley have yet another friendly encounter at Myrtle Beach International Airport while waiting to catch a flight to Charlotte, where they catch a connecting flight to Chicago.
While we wait for the boarding call, a TSA sniffer dog, a Black Lab, makes his rounds with his handler and sniffs everyone in the waiting area. The dog comes over to sniff me. He jumps into my lap and gives me kisses. His handler didn’t know what to think because it’s not a normal response. If he had smelled something, he would have just sat there and barked.
I say to the TSA agent who approaches me, “Ma’am, I think your dog likes me.”
She replies as she passes her detector wand over me, “Sir, I detect nothing illegal on you. Ringo is a new sniffer dog in training. Would you be so kind as to help me in his training? Take this training tool and put it in your pocket and we’ll see how long it takes for him to find it,” as she hands me a small towel with a faint scent that he’s been trained to detect.
I put the small towel in my right front trousers pocket as the TSA agent sends Ringo on another training run. He comes up to me again about five minute later and smells the small towel in my pocket and sits in front of me, wagging his tail.
The agent says to Ringo, “Where is it, boy?” as the dog puts his nose on my pocket where the towel is hidden.
I say to the agent, “Excuse me, ma’am, but could this be what he was looking for?” as I pull the towel out of my pocket and hand it to her.
She replies, “Thank you kindly, sir. He passed the test. Why don’t you give him some love,” as I pet him for a few minutes.
Ashley smiles and says to the TSA agent, “Excuse me, ma’am, but my fiancé here has always been really good with animals. Just ask my cat.”
We share a laugh about another friendly encounter with animals when the boarding call is announced.
While David and Ashley are on their honeymoon in Key West, their second trip together to Key West, they pay another visit to the Hemingway House and Museum. Pages 371-372 of "Forever Autumn" describe the return trip.
We leave the music shop and take a drive over to the Hemingway House and Museum on Whitehead Street. After a guided tour of the late author’s house, we have another friendly encounter with some of the 60 cats that live on the museum grounds. Roughly half of these 60 cats are polydactyl, meaning that they have extra toes on each paw.
One of these polydactyl cats, a black male cat with white paws, comes up to me and meows as if to say, “Hi! Come pet me,” as I kneel down to pet him.
A few minutes later, he puts his paw of seven toes on my hand and gives it kisses as he purrs his little heart out. It looks like each of us has made at least a few furry friends here. We must admit it. We’re just here to visit the kitties…and neither they nor the museum staff seems to mind at all. All I know right now is that I’ll be petting a very different kind of kitty later on tonight and that she’ll be purring all night long.
Ashley best summarizes David's affinity with animals in this quote from page 306 of "Forever Autumn":
“David, I always knew that you had that animal attraction. You attract animals.”
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